Daddy Jack

This was done 11/2/2018

So I decided that since the veil was thin I would go to Colorado Springs and find my bio Dad’s grave.  I knew it was in Evergreen Cemetery from what I had found on find a grave.  I didn’t look at when we got to the cemetery.  We went in the main gate and I told my husband to turn right at the first path we came to.  Then I looked at the picture I had saved from find a grave and looked at the location it said he was at and surprisingly, we were in the right place.  There were a lot of graves and I tried to find the number where he was at but there weren’t any numbers on the graves.  My son looked at the graves we were near and said they were all military graves and he remembered my Dad was in the military.  So we went back around to the first section of graves we found.  I told them to get my mobility scooter out so I could start looking for his grave.  They got my scooter out and then they started walking down a few rows.  I got on my scooter and drove over to a row they hadn’t looked at and started driving across the grass looking at all the graves.  My scooter was fully charged.  I say this because of what happened next.  I was going across the grass when my scooter just stopped for no reason.  I tried to get it to move again but it only moved a little bit then stopped again.  I pushed with my feet and it went a bit further and then stopped again.  I told my husband and son it wouldn’t go any further and they were coming over to help me figure out what was going on. I looked to the left and down, and I was right behind my Dad’s grave.  I said, ‘Hi Daddy’ out loud and in my head I hear, ‘Well hi baby girl.’  I started crying and then I hear, ‘Don’t cry purdy.’  All of this was in a Southern accent.  It was a man’s voice.  I started talking out loud and said, ‘I’m sorry it took me so long to get here and find you and the rest of the family.’ Then I felt someone looking at me.  I look up at the tree that is a little ways off from his grave and I can see a man leaning up against the tree. Not outright like I see regular people, but in my mind I see it.  I’ve gotten pictures of him from my Aunts so I know what he looks like.  It was him.  I asked my Aunt Sue if he ever spoke in a Southern accent and she said yes, they all got one when they lived in Georgia.  I got chills all over because I knew it was him I made contact with.  She also told me that he used to call me his pretty girl and that he always made sure I knew he loved me.  That also made it really clear it was him.  I told him that he didn’t have to stay at his grave; he was free to go wherever he wanted and he said he knew that but he liked it there, it was peaceful and has a great view.  I looked up and saw the amazing view he has of Pikes Peak.  I wanted to leave him something on his grave but I figured he wasn’t a flowers kind of guy.  I didn’t have anything else to leave.  I thought about coming back later and planting a plant but there was a sign that said no planting of any kind.  I found out later from my Aunt Sue he didn’t want flowers at his grave unless seeds dropped there and grew on their own.  I didn’t know this before I talked to her after I had left the cemetery.  I know I made contact with him after all these years.  I know from other things that happened in my life that he’s been with me all along; I just wasn’t able to communicate with him.  I also know that now I will be able to communicate with him anytime I want to or need to.  I took pictures of the grave stone and the view of Pikes Peak.  They’ll be posted with this post.  It took me 57 years to find him; I just wish I had been given the chance to know him while he was alive.  I don’t remember him at all but this meeting has given me a piece of him I didn’t have before.  The connection is strong and he influenced me even though he wasn’t around physically.  I have a lot of him in me and I don’t feel like I don’t belong anymore.  I know why I’m the way I am and know I belong and have family that loves me and loved me when they were alive.  I love you Daddy and am looking forward to getting to know you more.


Waking Up From Religion

Waking Up From Religion

By Nanice Ellis

Contributing Writer for Wake Up World

Often our religious beliefs are handed down to us by family and culture, and by the time we are old enough to consciously choose, it’s too late because we are already brainwashed with pre-ordained beliefs that seem to be set in stone.  Ideally, the true purpose of any religion should be to facilitate a direct connection with the “Divine,” and to support spiritual awakening.  Unfortunately, few, if any religions, fulfill this purpose. If they did, many more of us would be awake by now, or at least intimately connected to the Source of who we really are. Even with the prevalence of “new age” spiritual practices today, few of us have attained full spiritual awakening and direct

Divine connection.

What’s wrong with this picture? Maybe that answer lies in the reasons why humanity seeks out religion, or structured spirituality, in the first place…  Seeking the answers to the unknown can be a scary business – where do we come from, why are we here, and especially, where do we go after departing? The further we travel down the “rabbit hole” in our quest for spiritual

truth, the more lonely, confusing and frightening it can become. Religion preys on this fear and confusion; by providing premade answers designed to give us a false sense of security, it offers a reprieve from that inner quest, but in exchange for that spiritual crutch, we must give up spiritual sovereignty and the freedom to choose our own beliefs. We must give up the very thing it saves us from – finding our true selves.

In many ways, my spiritually convoluted childhood was a gift in disguise. Although my mother was raised strict Roman Catholic and my father was raised strictly Jewish, I was baptized Christian, and when it was time to send me to school, I was sent to a very Catholic school run by tyrant nuns.

Neither my mom, nor my dad, considered that they were sending me to a Catholic school, where I would stand out like a sore thumb — with a very Jewish last name and a nose to match. I was treated differently by the nuns than the other kids but I was too young to understand why, and by the end of first grade, even the other kids formed an alliance against me. This overt judgment from nuns and peers went on for years, and as result, I did poorly in school, I had no friends, and I believed that there was something very wrong with me.  In fifth grade, the ongoing emotional stress caused me to have a nervous breakdown and, as a result, my parents enrolled me in public school, and also allowed me to figure out this “religion thing” on my own. By the time I was twelve, my immense search for truth was underway.  Up until that time, I had been taught that God was to be feared, and if you sin or break any commandments, you would be punished, and maybe even sent to a fiery hell to repent eternally. It was quite convincing, but something inside me said, it just wasn’t true.  My long and relentless search for spiritual truth delivered me to a sacred space that was, not surprisingly, void of all religion and the imprisoning dogma that keeps one from discovering the truth for oneself.

Why is it that religions often keep us from the very thing they should be doing? Instead of empowering us to a full connection with the Divine and supporting us to Wake Up and remember who we really are, they keep us asleep, buried under piles of disempowering beliefs that they programmed into our vulnerable minds.  If we are fighting to prove that we are worthy of God’s love or we must depend on a “go-between” (priest, rabbi, guru etc…) in order to communicate with God, how can we ever attain a deep spiritual connection with the Divine?

Programming Religion

Most religions operate through mechanisms of control, but often the dynamic of control is so covert that you cannot recognize it, and if you cannot recognize it, you might easily fall for the religion’s sales pitch. Or if you are a long time follower, leaving the religion can be like extracting yourself from emotional quicksand.  Most religions, and even some spiritual practices, keep people asleep through a program of shame and secrecy.  The program includes an ingenious control formula, based on disempowering beliefs, such as unworthiness, powerlessness, judgment and exclusion, all resulting in painful and debilitating emotions that can last a life time.

Installing Beliefs

Most religions install beliefs about “right and wrong,” “good and bad” and “sinful and saintly,” causing followers to believe that their well-being or salvation is dependent on their behavior, and if they disobey, they are judged and punished with the equivalent of karma or an eternal afterlife of unwanted proportions, but that is not even the worst part! The defiance of your religious beliefs automatically invokes feelings of shame, guilt, obligation or regret. These feelings, or the fear of these feelings, can be a more powerful deterrent than even the threat of physical torture.

The deepest part of the control mechanism is through manipulating emotions, so that you actually punish yourself.  For example, if your religion says that it is wrong to have sex outside of marriage, and you have pre-marital sex, you will automatically punish yourself through feelings of deep shame, guilt, regret and unworthiness. In fact, if you even think about going against the religious doctrine, these powerful emotions will induce feelings of impending regret, and make you think twice.

The same goes for things like regular “attendance”, tithing/donations and any other conditions or requirements of your religion. Your fear of feeling guilt or regret controls your behavior and makes you do things that maybe aren’t right for you, or maybe keeps you from expressing your real self. The thing is, if you are emotionally manipulated, how can you even know what is best for you? Only through free-will can you ever be inspired by your own inner being.  Because the control is coming from inside you, in the form of your own beliefs and emotions, you probably don’t even realize that you are being controlled, which is what makes this type of control even more diabolical than if someone threatened you with a knife. When you can identify an external control source, it is clear that you are being controlled, but when you have been willingly programmed with beliefs, and these beliefs are causing painful emotions, it is almost impossible to discern that an external source is in control of your life.

Taking Advantage of the Young and Vulnerable

Most people are programmed with religious beliefs either when they are too young to question those beliefs or at a very vulnerable time in their lives. For example, people seek spiritual answers when they are experiencing emotional pain or confusion. Religions feed off this, and even take advantage of this vulnerability, seducing seekers with the promise of security and comfort, for this life and maybe even the afterlife.

Sacrificing Power in Exchange for Salvation

Most religions ask that you give away your power, and that you trust the religion and its leaders more than you trust yourself. You are taught that in order to connect with the Divine, you must depend on non-physical deities, or religious leaders. If you want a prayer answered or you seek forgiveness, you must use a “go-between” because you are not worthy, or pure enough, for direct communion with the Divine. Worst of all, the message is, “Don’t trust yourself,” and, as long as you don’t trust yourself, you remain powerless to external authority.

Ruled by Conditional Worth

In most religions, there is an unspoken decree of worthiness that all practitioners agree to. Your worth is dependent on how well you follow the rules of your religion – if you do as you are told, according to your religion, or your religious leader, you are deemed worthy, and if you go against, or question the rules or beliefs, you are deemed unworthy. Unworthiness induces deep feelings of shame which leads to secrecy.

Use of Judgment

The fear of being judged, shamed or the subject of gossip is commonly used to keep followers in line, creating secrecy and keeping followers from sharing their “indiscretions” with each other. Because judgment feels like death to the ego, we will do almost anything in order to avoid being judged. As a result, everyone pretends to be a good follower, while secretly hiding any “bad behavior,” and, because no one is sharing openly, it appears that everyone else is saintly, making it impossible for you to speak your truth.

No Room for Doubt or Questions

If you believe that your fellow practitioners will ostracize you, or report you to religious leaders, you will not likely share any feelings of doubt about the religion or its leaders – you will silently keep your questions or uncertainty to yourself, never knowing that your friend, neighbor or family member feels the same way. Judgment, and fear of being judged, supports division. As the saying goes, “Divide and conquer,” and, at all costs, keep those already conquered from coming together in rebellion. Silence and separation allow religious agendas to operate unnoticed.

Exclude Non-Believers

What about the threat of non-believers that are not part of the religion? Often, followers are well-trained in converting non-believers, with programmed answers for any, and all, objections that might come from the one they are trying to convert. Followers are often taught how to prey upon vulnerabilities, with promises of salvation, but, if that doesn’t work, the non-believer is viewed negatively, cast aside as ignorant and excluded. This type of righteousness, where the believer is right and the non-believer is wrong, is just another form of judgment and exclusion in the name of God.

The motto often is: “Either believe and join us or be excluded and judged as sinner.”

I am not saying that you should leave your religion, or even think about it – that is not the point. The point is, if you want to awaken to the truth of who you really are, you must free yourself from disempowerment. This means taking back your power from everyone and everything – including religion.  It might seem easy to blame a religion for keeping you powerless, asleep, or disconnected but religions only exist because we seek answers outside of ourselves. From the deepest perspective, religions are set up to fail you, so that eventually, you will look in the only place where you can ever find the answers you seek. Deep inside.

Religion says, “You are unworthy unless you meet certain conditions.”

Awakening reveals, “You are unconditionally worthy.”

Religion says, “You are powerless to external sources.”

Awakening reveals, “Your power is accessed as you take responsibility for your life.”

Religion separates, judges and excludes.

Awakening and Oneness are synonymous.

In awakening, you remember that who you really are is the Divine, and if you judge yourself, or others, you are really judging God.

How do you know if your religion or spiritual practice supports spiritual empowerment, Divine connection and spiritual awakening?

Most importantly, your religion or spiritual practice should work for you, and only you can decide what that means, but here are some suggestions for you to consider:

Your spiritual practice gives you freedom, and space, to find your own answers, even if those answers disagree with the spiritual teachings.

You are not judged, punished or excluded for thinking differently, or questioning ideas.

Your spiritual practice moves you toward love and oneness, providing the space for you to forgive yourself and others, as you let go of old heavy baggage which no longer serves you.

The spiritual teachings uplift you to new heights of awareness, while also inspiring you to express yourself.

Spiritual beliefs are offered through lessons of empowerment, and not through fear of karma, punishment or any form of disempowerment, nor should you be manipulated through guilt, obligation, or impending regret. Your spiritual teacher does not encourage dependency on him or her, tell you what to do, how to think or make other spiritual teachings wrong or less than.

You are not asked to judge, reject or exclude others in order to remain in the religion, nor are you punished for loving those who don’t obey the rules of your religion.

You feel honored and respected by your teacher and peers, and you never feel as if the teacher, or spiritual practice, has power over you, or that your worthiness is in question. .

Your practice empowers you to discover who you really are, and supports you in developing an intimate and personal relationship with the Divine, where you experience yourself as unconditionally loved.

If your intention is spiritual awakening, your spiritual practice must not only empower you to discover the door of awakening, it must also encourage you to let go so that you can enter. In order to fully awaken, you must be willing to let go of even the sacred practice that got you there.

The bottom line is, does your spiritual practice direct you inward? Does it make you feel closer to the Divine? Does it empower you?

Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater

If you have left your religion, or you are thinking of leaving, don’t confuse leaving the religion with leaving God. Just as the saying goes, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater,” Don’t throw God out with the religion. God has been tainted by all sorts of disempowering beliefs – from crazy rules to unreasonable nonsense and everything in between. You can leave all that behind and you can find God on your own terms, in a way that feels particularly right for you.

Losing community

Sometimes we stay in a religion well past its expiration date because if we leave, it probably also means that we must leave our community. Tolerating rules and dogma that no longer fit for us might seem like a small price to pay in exchange for the love and support of community, but that price is much higher than it appears. If you are compromising your freedom, hiding your true feelings, or constricting your expression in order to be accepted in a community, sooner or later, you will likely experience deep spiritual wounds that arise from betraying your own true spirit.  Yes, there might be a period of time where you don’t have the support of community, but I promise, your most ideal community is out there waiting for you. A massive wave of people all over the world are waking up, and leaving situations and environments that no longer fit. Just like you, they are looking for that place where they belong. It is time to come together to form empowering paradigms of community where we can all thrive, and be who we came here to be.

Ghost Tools Session with my Stepdad

This came from another site where I used to write and I’m transferring things from there to here.

I don’t know what all of you believe but I’m going to tell you a story about what happened to me the day before Thanksgiving. I now believe that we go on in some form.  The christians I used to go to church with told me all spirits are demons.  My Dad isn’t a demon.  I know it was him and I’m sorry their faith has blinded them so much that they can’t see their loved ones around them nor will they even bother to look.  If I had still been going to church I would have never had this happen because I would never have downloaded the app because I was told this kind of thing was wrong and of the devil.  I’m sorry but my Dad isn’t the devil or of the devil.  I know what happened that day.  I know I contacted my Dad.  I know he’s still here.  You can believe this or not, but it happened.  I have had other things happen with this app since then and believe that it is a useful tool.  Please don’t tell me I’m going to hell because I consulted with spirits.  Please don’t tell me I’m going to hell because I came back to my Pagan path.  Please don’t judge me either.  If any of these things happens I will remove you from my life and my friends list.  I hope you all understand and realize I had a very profound experience and I will continue to try to contact my Dad as many times as I can.  You never get over a death of a loved one and this has given me so much hope and comfort when I needed it.

November 25, 2015

I just talked to my Dad, Charles Monroe Young, Jr. using the Ghost Hunting Tools app on my phone.  I was looking for my heart charm I lost from my necklace and turned it on to ask any of the regular spirits if they had seen it and first it said large, then wall, then abyss and then the detector meter went into the red and the name Charles came across.  I got instant chills all over my body.  I said, “Dad? Dad? Is it really you?” It came across with grave and I said, “I don’t understand what that means.”  Then it said graveyard and I said “You’re not in a grave or a graveyard, your ashes are at the house as far as I know.”  Then it said sacred, which I think he means a graveyard is sacred to him.  Maybe he wants to be put in one I don’t know.  Then it said stop and I said “I don’t want to stop because I miss you so much, we all miss you.”  I also said “I don’t know who I can talk to about this for sure, maybe Joe and Charles and Ivan for sure, but not Mom because I don’t think she’ll believe me and it will make her sad.”  It immediately said Grandpa.  He died on November 2nd, which is Ivan’s birthday.  He is his Grandpa and that’s when I knew for sure it was him.  It said the word road so I don’t know what that means either.  It got quiet because I was crying and then it said ready and I said “Yeah I know you were ready to go when you died.”  Then it stopped any detection and got quiet so I shut it off and cried some more.  This is proof though.  We stay around our loved ones we don’t go on if we don’t want to.  He’s been here since he died and will until we all die and go to be with him.  I’m happy because I know I can talk to him now and he can talk back.  I’m sad because he’s not physically with me and I can’t hug him or have him hug me.  I miss him so much. It doesn’t feel like over 20 years have passed since he died.  I will be using this app a lot more now and hoping he will come through again. It took me to go back to being pagan to have all this happen because I never would have downloaded the app or joined the facebook group I was in where the guy found the app had I been christian. I knew this was the right path and I will never waver ever again.

Mini Relaxation Exercises

Mini Relaxation Exercises

Mini relaxation exercises are focused breathing techniques that help reduce anxiety and tension immediately.  Your breath is with you at every moment in time.  You can do a mini with your eyes open or closed.  You can do a mini at any place, at any time, and no one will know you are doing it.

  1. Count very slowly to yourself from 10 down to 0, one number on each out breath.  Thus, breathe in, and on your first out breath, say 10 to yourself.  With the next out breath say 9, working your way down to 9.  When you get to 0 notice how you feel.
  2. As you breathe in count slowly up to 4, as you breathe out count slowly back down to 1.  Thus, as you breathe in you say quietly to yourself 4, 3, 2, 1, and breathe out.  Do this several times.
  3. This is counting the space between the in breath and the out breath.  Thus, after each in breath, pause and count 1, 2, 3; after each out breath, pause again and count 1, 2, 3.  Do this several times.
  4. Thch Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese Buddhist uses this as his favorite mini.  On the in breath you think, “I am”, and on the out breath you think, “at peace”.  Repeat this several times.  This is also an excellent mini to use while walking.
  5. Square breathing.  Visualize a square.  On the in breath, visualize a vertical line and then a horizontal line, part of the square.  On the out breath you visualize another vertical line and horizontal line, completing the square.

Good times to do a mini:

While stuck in traffic, when on hold during a phone call, while waiting in your doctors’ office, when someone says something that bothers you, in the dentists’ chair, when you feel overwhelmed by all you need to do, while standing in a line, when in pain, in the night when you can’t sleep, etc., etc.

The only time Mini’s don’t work is when you don’t do them.


So these critters love me.  I can’t go outside without being bitten by one.  I remembered that one summer I went to watch fireworks at a park and I took some Tea Tree Oil spray with me.  I sprayed the area we were going to be sitting and I never got bit once.  I couldn’t remember the exact way I made the spray but I found this awesome site that tells you how to to make it.  There are a lot of other uses for Tea Tree Oil on this page but I was just interested in the bug spray.  I’m going to try it tonight and see what happens.  It says you put 2 to 5 drops in a spray bottle half filled with water and spray it on your skin.  I’m going to spray it on the yard and see what happens.  Here’s the link to the site: Tea Tree Oil Uses


So I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes awhile ago.  I was prescribed Metformin.  When my doctor prescribed it for some reason it came up with a big, red warning sign that alerted her to my lactose intolerance.  She couldn’t figure out why it would do that and prescribed it anyway.  I asked the pharmacist about it when I went to pick up the medicine and he said that some brands have lactose in the pills.  He looked up the brand I was taking and said it didn’t.  Well I had the usual side effects, diarrhea, yuck!  By accident I figured out that if I take a Lactaid pill every night when I took the Metformin, that side effect went away.  Anyway, I noticed that my Fibromyalgia seemed to be worse after being on it a few months.  I still got sick when I ate too much sugar, I still had high sugar readings, and my A1C was still high.  I decided to look for a natural alternative and that’s when I found Berberine.  I ordered it and stopped taking the Metformin completely.  My sugar is low, my A1C is low and I don’t have diarrhea or any of the other side effects Metformin gave me.  I ended up in the hospital with pneumonia and they had to check my sugar before every meal.  It was in the 90’s.  I don’t even take the full dose it says you’re supposed to take of 1000 mg.  I just take one 500 mg pill at night.  The only thing I’ve noticed (and this is kind of gross but I figured y’all needed to know) is my poop is yellow.  The stuff in the pills I take is yellow, so I figured that’s why.  It’s a minor side effect compared to having high sugar and high A1C and being in more pain.  I’ve put a link in from a site that tells you a lot about it so you can do your own research. I’m not a doctor, so I don’t want you to go tell your friends or your doctor this lady said she takes Berberine and I should too.  Make sure it’s right for you.  Check and see if it could interact with any of the other medicines you might be taking.  Yes herbs can do that.  So check out this link, and decide for yourself.  Just click the word Berberine below and it will take you to the site.


My new home

Hi everyone!

I’ve found a new place to write at.  I plan to post spells, recipes, alternative healing info, crystal stuff, and whatever else strikes me at the time.  I just started this today so it is and always will be a work in progress.  I have decided I am no longer hiding who I am and what I am from anyone.  I’ve been doing this for too long and I’ve not taken advantage of my full potential and what is in my best interests.  Hope you like what you see, come find a place to sit a spell and see what you might find.  Pumpkin patches have a lot of things in them that you might not think are there.  Look closely, you may find something illuminating!